I guess I’m at the age when all your friends have kids and can’t do things anymore because, you know, now they are parents and you’re not, so you can’t understand them “yet”.
You get to hear sentences like “Yeah, have fun while you can” or “It’s easy for you, you don’t have kids” and the inevitable, “So, when are you guys gonna make one?”, and generally this is when things get weird for me as I try to explain why not.
See, I have a very practical view on the subject. I’m a so called divorced kid. My parents separated when I was around six years old (which psychologically considering could have been a lot worse) so I don’t want that shit for my kids, that’s #1.
My mom had to take care of everything as my “dad” completely disappeared. So basically she worked five jobs at a time to pay the bills, and as my sister and I were getting everything we needed, there was a lot we could not have.
Kids cost money
As a kid you suffer from that kind of thing. Seeing your friend going to another country with the rest of the class, learning musical instrument, riding horses etc…
So that’s #2. Kids cost money, a ton of money if you want to be able to give them whatever they want (with limits of course, I don’t say you should treat them as kings).
But for example in my case, I’m dyslexic and I was what you call a kid with “abilities” in France. Or at least that’s how you call them now. Kids with more aptitudes than others that need “special” attention and therefore special school that costs a lot.
Well, I didn’t see any of those schools :).
Kids need you, full time
Now if my kids need anything “special” even just want to study abroad, I want to be able to give them that.
Another thing is that when you work 5 jobs or even 1 job, a good old nine to five, your kids spend most of their time in a kinder garden, then at school, at high-school, camp etc…
Basically you don’t see them like what, 70/80% of their time.
Let’s be honest, at that rate, your kids are raised by the society, not you, and that would be my reason #3. I would like to be more present than 30% of my kids’ lives. What’s the point to raise kids who you won’t know?
What kind of world are you gonna give to your kids?
And finally, that’s gonna be my #4, for the past few years I have been really thinking about what kind of world I’m gonna bring my kids into. I don’t want to get dramatic here, but it really looks like we fucked the planet pretty bad and when some think the singularity is coming, I’m more thinking that it’s climate change that’s coming.
Do we really need more kids on the planet? I don’t think we do, and as I understand the drive of many to build a family, I really question it for myself.
We have three cats. It’s like having children, but there is no tuition involved.Ron Reagan
It’s also one of the reasons I love polyamory. I believe in loving several partners at the same time, but also in co-parenting.
I think that having several parents can be incredibly beneficial for a children especially when you know that more than 50% of marriages in America (and probably everywhere else too) finish by a divorce.
Of course it doesn’t mean that polyamorous family can’t break apart as well and I don’t want to imply that polyamorous family is better, even though I would love that to be the case!
I just see this whole thing from my point of view, expectations and fantasy of a big polyp (all the partners in a polyamorous relationship) rising children all together as a team :).
Let’s wrap that up!
For a conclusion I would say this: Having or not having kids should always be respected regardless your point of view. It’s easy to become judgmental when we believe we are right. But in the end of the day nobody is right or wrong, it’s not a competition, follow your instincts and your own judgment.